Post by Drake Hunter on May 26, 2012 1:23:36 GMT -5
To succumb, to finally give in to everything that is swimming inside your head. To give up, get rid of the pain building up inside like a wall of torture, tp simply let go, no matter what the consequence may be. To give up on those around you, and simply let go. One word describes it all, and yet it's true meaning is clouded in lies....
Freedom.
Freedom is releasing all of the things built up in you, absorbing everything that has happened throughout the past and using it to your advantage. Freedom is being able to close your eyes and feel the hatred run through your veins, pulse through your very being, and run through your fingertips, feeling the anger, the aggression, the total and completely thirst for destruction engulf you and block the world out for what seems like an eternity, completely vanishing into empty darkness and into the space where you are merely a passenger, watching the voices inside your head do their job..... chaos.
My freedom will come this weekend.
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I wasn't going to say i was surprised at his actions. Rage did this sort of thing all the time, he was a psychopath and a woman-beater. I don't know how he got this way, or how somebody like Lexi got involved with somebody like him, but i was angry at him. It seems the past has become my worst enemy recently - first this weird H4ck3r shit and now the discovery that Rage threw something at his then-wife, who was pregnant with his only child. Wow, seems as if Lexi's history with men just can't catch a break. And lord knows i'm not helping that.
I'd had the pleasure of meeting Justin after we'd got back and i was introduced to the newest member of NYCCW. What fun. Another guy that gets on my nerves.
It didn't really matter, now i knew the truth, and i knew why Chrissy was concerned about Lexi dating me. Nobody wanted her hurt, nobody more than me, but i couldn't exactly show that could I? Everybody seemed to blame me for the actions of a guy in a paintball suit, then they blamed me for something Lexi went out and did of her own accord - piss off the guy in the paintball suit. Once again, nobody wants to see Lexi safe more than me, but between H4ck3r and Lexi, i didn't need everybody thinking i was the bad guy.
Why always me?
My attempts at trying to explain my past to Chrissy didn't go any better either, i think it made me look worse, and Chrissy seemed to think i was unstable. While she might have been true about that fact, it didn't impact Lexi in any way. The voices only showed up in times of pain and anguish felt by one person - Me. As long as Lexi stayed out of trouble, and she didn't break up with me any time soon, i'm pretty sure i'll stay fine. Then again, nobody's based history on being "pretty sure" about something.
The highlight of the trip was Lexi's completely childish fear of heights, and the revelation that she was a, in her words, 'bully". I have a habit of saying what i'm thinking, and then not actually doing any thinking in the process, and it seems i accidentally got into an argument with Lexi over a teensy little comment. And what's the surefire way to end an argument? Yep, despite Lexi's protests, i was right - nobody heard us in the bathroom.
I still laugh at the fact that Lexi was a heel when she was younger, i couldn't believe it at first, but i guess everybody has their secrets, and everybody is entitled to their fair share of surprises. I was just getting started with the secrets inside me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A WEEK AGO:
===========
"So, explain to me why we're doing this again?" I say, turning to her as i pull into the underground car-park, only a block from the cemetery, and hop out of the bright red Holden VXR. Slamming the door so that the car returns to it's normal shape, i brush my hand softly along the spoiler as we make our way to the cemetery. Lexi doesn't say a word.
There are only a few people inside the cemetery, just like in the movies. I wouldn't be here at night, that's for sure. Still, this meant something to Lexi, and she meant something to me. No matter what, i was here for her. I don't notice it at first, but as i keep walking i see the empty space beside me. I turn back, looking to see where she went, and simply watch the drops of moisture roll down her eyes, over her cheek, and fall onto the curated ground beneath us. The sun was hidden behind a cloud now - one of a mere few in the sunny Toronto afternoon - and it was ironic that the moment the sun was blocked out was the moment Lexi felt truly sad. Somebody dear to her was buried here, i knew that for sure.
'Hey, don't worry, i'm here." I say, pulling her into an embrace and holding her tight as the tears begin to cease. I knew she would kill herself for crying, especially next to me - my supergirl, not afraid of anything - but i wanted to tell her that it was alright to let it out. I nuzzle my chin on her soft, blonde hair and simply hold her there for what seems like an eternity, swaying in the wind. When she was ready she pulled off me, the tears long gone, and as she looked down at the slab of stone with the memorial on it, she placed a rose down on the stone. Getting to her feet, she finally turned to me and looked me in the eyes, the sadness coming back.
"That was my mother, she died when i was young, in a plane crash." So this is what she's been keeping from me. Wow, it must've been hard on her. "She was a daredevil, she had no fears, no insecurities, and most of all she loved trying out new things. She wanted to be entertained, she wanted things that were new and amazing to keep her entertained, and when she was learning to fly, the plane crashed."
That must've been why she was so scared of planes. I feel bad for her now, having to go through that, trying so hard to keep it all in, especially in the plane, thinking about everything her mother did, and how she died, i guess my teasing wouldn't have made it any better. I can only pause and wonder what happened to her father, obviously she had somebody who raised her - but i think better of asking her. She's been through enough in a short amount of time, i don't think that adding to that would do any good. I smile as i pull her close and the sun is released from it's hold once more, bathing us in it's glory.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
PRESENT TIME:
=============
"Nice training session" I say, pulling Lexi in for a quick kiss as she enters the bathroom, ready to have a shower, and i sit down on the couch, pulling out my iPhone and checking Twitter. Big news was occurring - Laura was taken by that idiot Rage and now Johnny was having a panic attack - as you would if your wife was taken away by a maniac. Other than that, it seemed like business as usual. Johnny and Rye were getting set for their main event tonight, Taufik was making final preparations for his debut, and Cable was pissing off Rage some more - something i liked to see.
On top of that, i hadn't had to listen to any more ranting from H4ck3r recently about the "crimes" i committed to him and humanity, it seemed as if our resident wack-job was also taking our match tonight seriously, maybe he was even taking time off of his hacking to actually train a bit. Then i remembered how he hacked my computer, and i realized he was probably still watching porn on other people's computers. It was a H4ck3r thing.
We'd been down at the local gym for a final training session, and now everything was ready, we were ready.
H4ck3r better bring it, because i definitely will.
Freedom.
Freedom is releasing all of the things built up in you, absorbing everything that has happened throughout the past and using it to your advantage. Freedom is being able to close your eyes and feel the hatred run through your veins, pulse through your very being, and run through your fingertips, feeling the anger, the aggression, the total and completely thirst for destruction engulf you and block the world out for what seems like an eternity, completely vanishing into empty darkness and into the space where you are merely a passenger, watching the voices inside your head do their job..... chaos.
My freedom will come this weekend.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wasn't going to say i was surprised at his actions. Rage did this sort of thing all the time, he was a psychopath and a woman-beater. I don't know how he got this way, or how somebody like Lexi got involved with somebody like him, but i was angry at him. It seems the past has become my worst enemy recently - first this weird H4ck3r shit and now the discovery that Rage threw something at his then-wife, who was pregnant with his only child. Wow, seems as if Lexi's history with men just can't catch a break. And lord knows i'm not helping that.
I'd had the pleasure of meeting Justin after we'd got back and i was introduced to the newest member of NYCCW. What fun. Another guy that gets on my nerves.
It didn't really matter, now i knew the truth, and i knew why Chrissy was concerned about Lexi dating me. Nobody wanted her hurt, nobody more than me, but i couldn't exactly show that could I? Everybody seemed to blame me for the actions of a guy in a paintball suit, then they blamed me for something Lexi went out and did of her own accord - piss off the guy in the paintball suit. Once again, nobody wants to see Lexi safe more than me, but between H4ck3r and Lexi, i didn't need everybody thinking i was the bad guy.
Why always me?
My attempts at trying to explain my past to Chrissy didn't go any better either, i think it made me look worse, and Chrissy seemed to think i was unstable. While she might have been true about that fact, it didn't impact Lexi in any way. The voices only showed up in times of pain and anguish felt by one person - Me. As long as Lexi stayed out of trouble, and she didn't break up with me any time soon, i'm pretty sure i'll stay fine. Then again, nobody's based history on being "pretty sure" about something.
The highlight of the trip was Lexi's completely childish fear of heights, and the revelation that she was a, in her words, 'bully". I have a habit of saying what i'm thinking, and then not actually doing any thinking in the process, and it seems i accidentally got into an argument with Lexi over a teensy little comment. And what's the surefire way to end an argument? Yep, despite Lexi's protests, i was right - nobody heard us in the bathroom.
I still laugh at the fact that Lexi was a heel when she was younger, i couldn't believe it at first, but i guess everybody has their secrets, and everybody is entitled to their fair share of surprises. I was just getting started with the secrets inside me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A WEEK AGO:
===========
"So, explain to me why we're doing this again?" I say, turning to her as i pull into the underground car-park, only a block from the cemetery, and hop out of the bright red Holden VXR. Slamming the door so that the car returns to it's normal shape, i brush my hand softly along the spoiler as we make our way to the cemetery. Lexi doesn't say a word.
There are only a few people inside the cemetery, just like in the movies. I wouldn't be here at night, that's for sure. Still, this meant something to Lexi, and she meant something to me. No matter what, i was here for her. I don't notice it at first, but as i keep walking i see the empty space beside me. I turn back, looking to see where she went, and simply watch the drops of moisture roll down her eyes, over her cheek, and fall onto the curated ground beneath us. The sun was hidden behind a cloud now - one of a mere few in the sunny Toronto afternoon - and it was ironic that the moment the sun was blocked out was the moment Lexi felt truly sad. Somebody dear to her was buried here, i knew that for sure.
'Hey, don't worry, i'm here." I say, pulling her into an embrace and holding her tight as the tears begin to cease. I knew she would kill herself for crying, especially next to me - my supergirl, not afraid of anything - but i wanted to tell her that it was alright to let it out. I nuzzle my chin on her soft, blonde hair and simply hold her there for what seems like an eternity, swaying in the wind. When she was ready she pulled off me, the tears long gone, and as she looked down at the slab of stone with the memorial on it, she placed a rose down on the stone. Getting to her feet, she finally turned to me and looked me in the eyes, the sadness coming back.
"That was my mother, she died when i was young, in a plane crash." So this is what she's been keeping from me. Wow, it must've been hard on her. "She was a daredevil, she had no fears, no insecurities, and most of all she loved trying out new things. She wanted to be entertained, she wanted things that were new and amazing to keep her entertained, and when she was learning to fly, the plane crashed."
That must've been why she was so scared of planes. I feel bad for her now, having to go through that, trying so hard to keep it all in, especially in the plane, thinking about everything her mother did, and how she died, i guess my teasing wouldn't have made it any better. I can only pause and wonder what happened to her father, obviously she had somebody who raised her - but i think better of asking her. She's been through enough in a short amount of time, i don't think that adding to that would do any good. I smile as i pull her close and the sun is released from it's hold once more, bathing us in it's glory.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
PRESENT TIME:
=============
"Nice training session" I say, pulling Lexi in for a quick kiss as she enters the bathroom, ready to have a shower, and i sit down on the couch, pulling out my iPhone and checking Twitter. Big news was occurring - Laura was taken by that idiot Rage and now Johnny was having a panic attack - as you would if your wife was taken away by a maniac. Other than that, it seemed like business as usual. Johnny and Rye were getting set for their main event tonight, Taufik was making final preparations for his debut, and Cable was pissing off Rage some more - something i liked to see.
On top of that, i hadn't had to listen to any more ranting from H4ck3r recently about the "crimes" i committed to him and humanity, it seemed as if our resident wack-job was also taking our match tonight seriously, maybe he was even taking time off of his hacking to actually train a bit. Then i remembered how he hacked my computer, and i realized he was probably still watching porn on other people's computers. It was a H4ck3r thing.
We'd been down at the local gym for a final training session, and now everything was ready, we were ready.
H4ck3r better bring it, because i definitely will.