Post by Electra Stevens on Jun 3, 2012 19:02:02 GMT -5
This is just a Character Development Roleplay and doesn't count toward this Week's BL. Enjoy!
~*~
I know its morning because the light is hurting my eyes before I even open them. I don’t know where I am or even remember much after seeing or rather feeling a kick to my face. Damn it. The sting was still there. My fight with Laura was standard, I had felt worse but geez, I never wanted to be on the receiving end of that kick for real. I probably have a mild concussion. No biggie.
I groan a little and suddenly feel someone gripping my hand. Okay well obviously wherever I was, I hadn’t spent the night alone. Why did I suddenly have déjà-vu?
I open my eyes and my vision clears and I see it’s Drake, thank god. He looks worried and upset. He should be, the bastard. I frown.
“I’m so sorry…” are the first words out of his mouth. “If I had known….”
The grip on my hand is tighter and he brings it up to his lips to kiss my knuckles. Apparently they sting too. Probably from connecting them with Laura’s ugly mug so many times. I smile slightly at the memory. Drake looks confused.
I don’t know what to say to him. Part of me wants to yell at him. Accuse him of not trusting me, of not really loving me but the other part of me wants to pull him into my arms and tell him that everything is going to be just fine, that we’ll work through everything. Confusion was a great thing.
“I lost…” I managed to croak out and I grimace at how awful I sound.
“Not fairly.” He offers.
“Doesn’t matter. I still lost to that tramp.” I shake my head and instantly regret it. I put my free hand up to my temple while the marching band begins its number. “UG.”
“Hold on.” He gets up and disappears into the bathroom and it’s then I realize that I’m in his hotel room. Should have known. He hated my apartment. He didn’t trust Metallica. He came back with two white pills and a glass of water. “This will help.”
Asprin. Going to be my best friend for the next couple days. I down them and lean back against the pillows. One thing I could say, his hotel bed was always so comfy.
“I don’t know what happened out there Drake….I couldn’t let you do that. I know you truly believe that Jordan is Hacker but….”
“I don’t want to talk about any of that right now. Please. I want to focus on us. But it can wait until your feeling better…” He gives me that cute little smile of his that reminds me of a little boy in trouble. I can see that he’s mostly returned to me. The voices seem to be at rest for the most part but I knew that they weren’t gone for good. Most women would be bothered by it. But most women weren’t me. Most women did not have the same kind of experience I did when it came to trauma.
“No.” I clear my throat. “I think I should tell you about…about my step-father…”
He stands up and turns away from me. “You don’t have to tell me Lexi. I don’t know what happened but I read Twitter. I know it was something bad…”
“No, Drake. I trust you. I have never trusted anybody but my sister with this. I was reluctant to tell you only because I thought it would just push you further over the edge. You don’t want to tell me anymore about AWA…fine. It doesn’t matter but just know that whatever it is that you know who knows, I’m going to find out anyway. He is going to tell the world in 3 weeks whether you like it or not.”
He’s silent.
“Despite what Justin thought, I wasn’t going to break up with you. I was upset and I shouldn’t have ended our conversation like that before going out to my match. I felt like you couldn’t trust me. Maybe in time you will but it’s not important. I don’t care what you did in your past.”
He still hasn’t turned around.
“When I was 9, my mom married this asshole named Daniel Coulson. Came from a big family with money. Married my mother because she was young and pretty and he could manipulate her into doing anything he wanted, but she had a stubborn streak and she always wanted to do things that tested the limit of human abilities. Sky Diving, bungee jumping, learning to fly…. We never thought it would be the learning to fly that would get her killed. The crash… it wasn’t her fault. The plane was improperly maintenanced and the engine died or something. I don’t remember the exact details. Anyway, since my Father was MIA and we had no other relatives, we were left in the Guardianship of Daniel. At first, he was just indifferent. You know, treating us like some awful relatives that were an inconvenience. He never bought us anything new, it was always hand me downs and donations. Said that we weren’t his kids therefore we didn’t deserve anything from him. Most of the time he wasn’t even home, we were raised by this very nice maid named Azalea. She was from Spain.”
“You can stop Lexi….” He says it but his voice is low and I can tell he’s preparing himself for what I’m about to say next.
“It really started when I was about 13. I was kind of clumsy you know, seeing as how I was tall with these awkward long limps and I came into the house one day and accidently knocked over some vase that was worth a lot of money. He happened to be home and he yelled at me for what seemed like hours and then, he slapped me. I was scared of him and I guess he liked the feeling so for the next 2 years he continued to find reasons to hit me or punish me. He’d do it to Chrissy too but not as much as me. I guess because I looked more like my mother and he was always upset that she’d left him like she had.”
I take a deep breath because the next part was the worse part. The part that I knew might just push him.
“When I was 15 I met Justin. It’s no secret that we started dating. I could tell he loved me and I helped him. We helped each other. He invited me over to his house a lot and I got away from the abuse for a long time. I even considered telling Justin about what he was doing but I was still afraid of Daniel and I was afraid of what he might do to Chrissy. She wasn’t as strong as I was. One night I came in late, Justin and I had gone to a movie and Jeremy, his brother, had driven me home. He’d stayed up waiting. Started of accusing me of being a whore and that I was just like my mother. He’d slapped me around and then before I know it, he’s got me pinned and that was it. Things like that continued on for another year or so. He’d come into my room at night and tell me that if I made any noise he’d kill Chrissy. But He never did anything like that to Chrissy, only me. And for a while, I didn’t even tell her. I started to go to the youth counselling group more and more and I took the classes to become a counsellor. I learned that I didn’t have to be a victim anymore. I started self defence. I started Judo. I started training with Mr. Fischer. I was going to get even with him.”
I can see that his fists are clenched now, but he still hasn’t turned to face me.
“I had two ways that I could get him. I could use my new skills to beat the shit out of him or I could find a way to blackmail him and his precious reputation. I didn’t know I’d end up doing both. I set up a camera in my room. Left a side light on so that the picture would be clear enough and I filmed the bastard. I filmed him doing that to me and then after….I told him what I did. And when he tried to beat me, I destroyed him. I beat him so bad that it left a stain on my bedroom carpet. I made it so that he could never have children of his own. I made it so that he had to go the hospital for surgery for internal bleeding. When I saw him in the hospital, I told him to lie. I told him to tell the cops that he was attacked by a burglar and that if he ever touched me or Chrissy again I would release that tape and he would lose everything.”
I took a few deep breaths to release the anger inside of me. I’d never felt the kind of anger I felt that night since and I didn’t want to. It was scary. It was like I blacked out. Yes, I had a monster inside me too.
“Drake…say something….” I finally let out. His fists are still clenched, but he turns.
“Why didn’t you tell Rage?”
“There wasn’t any point. By the time I met him, Daniel was long gone from my life and I’d forgotten it. I wasn’t holding on to those memories anymore because I had found something else.”
“What about Justin?”
“Are you kidding? Justin would have ended up in Jail for what he would have done to him. It would have been way worse than what I did.”
“You didn’t have to tell me this….”
“I know. I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to feel obligated to tell me about your past. I did it because in all my life, you are the first man I’ve been with that I’ve felt more than just sexual attraction. I was young and stupid when I married Ryan. I mistook that fire we had as love. Like I said, I’ll always have that piece of me that will love him but it’s not the same kind I feel for you. See the other thing that Daniel took from me was the ability to have children. I’m so damaged that when we tried to get pregnant…Ryan and Me, the doctors told us it would be a miracle. And it was….a whole bottle of tequila and a round of strip poker.” I laughed at the memory. It had actually been fun and I was glad for that. “I guess Ryan never understood why I couldn’t give him children and it was part of the reason why our marriage fell apart, because I never told him about what happened to me, he couldn’t know.”
“I’m sorry.” He was still just standing there, looking lost and a mix between angry and tortured.
“Why? You didn’t do those things to me. That asshole that has to spend his life in a wheelchair now, is.”
He looked up at me with surprise. “You put him in a wheelchair….”
“I’m not proud of it. He had spine damage. He can walk a little but mostly, he just uses one of those motorized scooters.”
“Lexi….”
“That’s why I said to Hacker that if he knew what I had done to Daniel, he’d think I should be in Jail.”
“He was a child molester. He deserved it.”
“Despite what he did to me and Chrissy, no one deserves the kind of beating I did to him. I could have just used the tape and been done with it but I snapped. I’d had enough. I did the first thing they teach you not to do in martial arts. I used my training in anger.”
My headache was starting to fade now but I still felt a little light headed. I think staying in this bed today was probably a good plan. I patted the bed beside me and he came over slowly and sat beside me. I put my head on his shoulder.
“It’s okay you know. I know you didn’t kick me on purpose….sometimes when we’re so caught up in a moment we can’t see everything around us. I’ll recover pretty quickly.”
He put an arm around my back and pulled me in tight to his side. “I promise that I won’t do anything like that again. I’d never hurt you Lexi.”
“I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I’m still here. When your ready baby, you can tell me whatever you want. And no matter what information is released at caged aggression, I will still be here. I’m no angel either.”
“You’re my Angel.” He whispered into my ear.
I didn’t know if I believed that. If I were truly an Angel wouldn’t I have been able to reason with Hacker. Help him fight those demons that he struggled with? Help him find another way to release the anger and hatred? And then, Drake…I hadn’t really helped him with his issues. He was still planning on letting the voices take control at the PPV. And god…barbed wire….how was that fair? Hacker wore a suit with armour for god’s sake.
We spent the rest of the day watching TV. Laughing at old comedies, snuggling. Nothing major since I think he wasn’t going to push his luck and he was probably worried about my concussion. Didn’t matter. Not everything was about Sex. Or maybe my story had scared him a little, that I was too fragile…but I was the same Lexi I had been for the last month. The one that had ambushed him in his locker room. The one that usually made the first move. Our relationship was evolving into something more and maybe it was the recognition that there was love here. I didn’t really know what that love meant exactly yet and I had a feeling he felt the same way.
One step at a time.
Really…I was more worried about Peter’s wedding. I hadn’t told Drake yet that it was Justin’s older brother and I hoped that he didn’t bail on me…but I’d leave that discussion for another day.
Baby steps.
~*~
I know its morning because the light is hurting my eyes before I even open them. I don’t know where I am or even remember much after seeing or rather feeling a kick to my face. Damn it. The sting was still there. My fight with Laura was standard, I had felt worse but geez, I never wanted to be on the receiving end of that kick for real. I probably have a mild concussion. No biggie.
I groan a little and suddenly feel someone gripping my hand. Okay well obviously wherever I was, I hadn’t spent the night alone. Why did I suddenly have déjà-vu?
I open my eyes and my vision clears and I see it’s Drake, thank god. He looks worried and upset. He should be, the bastard. I frown.
“I’m so sorry…” are the first words out of his mouth. “If I had known….”
The grip on my hand is tighter and he brings it up to his lips to kiss my knuckles. Apparently they sting too. Probably from connecting them with Laura’s ugly mug so many times. I smile slightly at the memory. Drake looks confused.
I don’t know what to say to him. Part of me wants to yell at him. Accuse him of not trusting me, of not really loving me but the other part of me wants to pull him into my arms and tell him that everything is going to be just fine, that we’ll work through everything. Confusion was a great thing.
“I lost…” I managed to croak out and I grimace at how awful I sound.
“Not fairly.” He offers.
“Doesn’t matter. I still lost to that tramp.” I shake my head and instantly regret it. I put my free hand up to my temple while the marching band begins its number. “UG.”
“Hold on.” He gets up and disappears into the bathroom and it’s then I realize that I’m in his hotel room. Should have known. He hated my apartment. He didn’t trust Metallica. He came back with two white pills and a glass of water. “This will help.”
Asprin. Going to be my best friend for the next couple days. I down them and lean back against the pillows. One thing I could say, his hotel bed was always so comfy.
“I don’t know what happened out there Drake….I couldn’t let you do that. I know you truly believe that Jordan is Hacker but….”
“I don’t want to talk about any of that right now. Please. I want to focus on us. But it can wait until your feeling better…” He gives me that cute little smile of his that reminds me of a little boy in trouble. I can see that he’s mostly returned to me. The voices seem to be at rest for the most part but I knew that they weren’t gone for good. Most women would be bothered by it. But most women weren’t me. Most women did not have the same kind of experience I did when it came to trauma.
“No.” I clear my throat. “I think I should tell you about…about my step-father…”
He stands up and turns away from me. “You don’t have to tell me Lexi. I don’t know what happened but I read Twitter. I know it was something bad…”
“No, Drake. I trust you. I have never trusted anybody but my sister with this. I was reluctant to tell you only because I thought it would just push you further over the edge. You don’t want to tell me anymore about AWA…fine. It doesn’t matter but just know that whatever it is that you know who knows, I’m going to find out anyway. He is going to tell the world in 3 weeks whether you like it or not.”
He’s silent.
“Despite what Justin thought, I wasn’t going to break up with you. I was upset and I shouldn’t have ended our conversation like that before going out to my match. I felt like you couldn’t trust me. Maybe in time you will but it’s not important. I don’t care what you did in your past.”
He still hasn’t turned around.
“When I was 9, my mom married this asshole named Daniel Coulson. Came from a big family with money. Married my mother because she was young and pretty and he could manipulate her into doing anything he wanted, but she had a stubborn streak and she always wanted to do things that tested the limit of human abilities. Sky Diving, bungee jumping, learning to fly…. We never thought it would be the learning to fly that would get her killed. The crash… it wasn’t her fault. The plane was improperly maintenanced and the engine died or something. I don’t remember the exact details. Anyway, since my Father was MIA and we had no other relatives, we were left in the Guardianship of Daniel. At first, he was just indifferent. You know, treating us like some awful relatives that were an inconvenience. He never bought us anything new, it was always hand me downs and donations. Said that we weren’t his kids therefore we didn’t deserve anything from him. Most of the time he wasn’t even home, we were raised by this very nice maid named Azalea. She was from Spain.”
“You can stop Lexi….” He says it but his voice is low and I can tell he’s preparing himself for what I’m about to say next.
“It really started when I was about 13. I was kind of clumsy you know, seeing as how I was tall with these awkward long limps and I came into the house one day and accidently knocked over some vase that was worth a lot of money. He happened to be home and he yelled at me for what seemed like hours and then, he slapped me. I was scared of him and I guess he liked the feeling so for the next 2 years he continued to find reasons to hit me or punish me. He’d do it to Chrissy too but not as much as me. I guess because I looked more like my mother and he was always upset that she’d left him like she had.”
I take a deep breath because the next part was the worse part. The part that I knew might just push him.
“When I was 15 I met Justin. It’s no secret that we started dating. I could tell he loved me and I helped him. We helped each other. He invited me over to his house a lot and I got away from the abuse for a long time. I even considered telling Justin about what he was doing but I was still afraid of Daniel and I was afraid of what he might do to Chrissy. She wasn’t as strong as I was. One night I came in late, Justin and I had gone to a movie and Jeremy, his brother, had driven me home. He’d stayed up waiting. Started of accusing me of being a whore and that I was just like my mother. He’d slapped me around and then before I know it, he’s got me pinned and that was it. Things like that continued on for another year or so. He’d come into my room at night and tell me that if I made any noise he’d kill Chrissy. But He never did anything like that to Chrissy, only me. And for a while, I didn’t even tell her. I started to go to the youth counselling group more and more and I took the classes to become a counsellor. I learned that I didn’t have to be a victim anymore. I started self defence. I started Judo. I started training with Mr. Fischer. I was going to get even with him.”
I can see that his fists are clenched now, but he still hasn’t turned to face me.
“I had two ways that I could get him. I could use my new skills to beat the shit out of him or I could find a way to blackmail him and his precious reputation. I didn’t know I’d end up doing both. I set up a camera in my room. Left a side light on so that the picture would be clear enough and I filmed the bastard. I filmed him doing that to me and then after….I told him what I did. And when he tried to beat me, I destroyed him. I beat him so bad that it left a stain on my bedroom carpet. I made it so that he could never have children of his own. I made it so that he had to go the hospital for surgery for internal bleeding. When I saw him in the hospital, I told him to lie. I told him to tell the cops that he was attacked by a burglar and that if he ever touched me or Chrissy again I would release that tape and he would lose everything.”
I took a few deep breaths to release the anger inside of me. I’d never felt the kind of anger I felt that night since and I didn’t want to. It was scary. It was like I blacked out. Yes, I had a monster inside me too.
“Drake…say something….” I finally let out. His fists are still clenched, but he turns.
“Why didn’t you tell Rage?”
“There wasn’t any point. By the time I met him, Daniel was long gone from my life and I’d forgotten it. I wasn’t holding on to those memories anymore because I had found something else.”
“What about Justin?”
“Are you kidding? Justin would have ended up in Jail for what he would have done to him. It would have been way worse than what I did.”
“You didn’t have to tell me this….”
“I know. I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to feel obligated to tell me about your past. I did it because in all my life, you are the first man I’ve been with that I’ve felt more than just sexual attraction. I was young and stupid when I married Ryan. I mistook that fire we had as love. Like I said, I’ll always have that piece of me that will love him but it’s not the same kind I feel for you. See the other thing that Daniel took from me was the ability to have children. I’m so damaged that when we tried to get pregnant…Ryan and Me, the doctors told us it would be a miracle. And it was….a whole bottle of tequila and a round of strip poker.” I laughed at the memory. It had actually been fun and I was glad for that. “I guess Ryan never understood why I couldn’t give him children and it was part of the reason why our marriage fell apart, because I never told him about what happened to me, he couldn’t know.”
“I’m sorry.” He was still just standing there, looking lost and a mix between angry and tortured.
“Why? You didn’t do those things to me. That asshole that has to spend his life in a wheelchair now, is.”
He looked up at me with surprise. “You put him in a wheelchair….”
“I’m not proud of it. He had spine damage. He can walk a little but mostly, he just uses one of those motorized scooters.”
“Lexi….”
“That’s why I said to Hacker that if he knew what I had done to Daniel, he’d think I should be in Jail.”
“He was a child molester. He deserved it.”
“Despite what he did to me and Chrissy, no one deserves the kind of beating I did to him. I could have just used the tape and been done with it but I snapped. I’d had enough. I did the first thing they teach you not to do in martial arts. I used my training in anger.”
My headache was starting to fade now but I still felt a little light headed. I think staying in this bed today was probably a good plan. I patted the bed beside me and he came over slowly and sat beside me. I put my head on his shoulder.
“It’s okay you know. I know you didn’t kick me on purpose….sometimes when we’re so caught up in a moment we can’t see everything around us. I’ll recover pretty quickly.”
He put an arm around my back and pulled me in tight to his side. “I promise that I won’t do anything like that again. I’d never hurt you Lexi.”
“I know you wouldn’t. That’s why I’m still here. When your ready baby, you can tell me whatever you want. And no matter what information is released at caged aggression, I will still be here. I’m no angel either.”
“You’re my Angel.” He whispered into my ear.
I didn’t know if I believed that. If I were truly an Angel wouldn’t I have been able to reason with Hacker. Help him fight those demons that he struggled with? Help him find another way to release the anger and hatred? And then, Drake…I hadn’t really helped him with his issues. He was still planning on letting the voices take control at the PPV. And god…barbed wire….how was that fair? Hacker wore a suit with armour for god’s sake.
We spent the rest of the day watching TV. Laughing at old comedies, snuggling. Nothing major since I think he wasn’t going to push his luck and he was probably worried about my concussion. Didn’t matter. Not everything was about Sex. Or maybe my story had scared him a little, that I was too fragile…but I was the same Lexi I had been for the last month. The one that had ambushed him in his locker room. The one that usually made the first move. Our relationship was evolving into something more and maybe it was the recognition that there was love here. I didn’t really know what that love meant exactly yet and I had a feeling he felt the same way.
One step at a time.
Really…I was more worried about Peter’s wedding. I hadn’t told Drake yet that it was Justin’s older brother and I hoped that he didn’t bail on me…but I’d leave that discussion for another day.
Baby steps.
