Post by Johnny Clash on Jun 20, 2012 18:53:40 GMT -5
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Jack Serville: We can only guess who that is.
David Jones: Oh Please, we have had enough of these guys, what happened to the Johnny Clash we used to have who actually cared.
Jack Serville: that was the problem! He cared but no one cared back! He is finally getting the recognition he deserves, even if it is from the Sadistic Rage!
[[The camera follows the feet backstage, which suddenly stop. The camera pans up and reveals Johnny Clash and Rage, who are stopped in front of a monitor]]
Rage: did you hear that Johnny? The “Sadistic Rage”......
Johnny Clash: Has a nice ring to it..
Rage: you would think that they would push to make t-shirts by now huh?
Johnny Clash: They will never learn.
[[Johnny and Rage keep walking down the hall when they spot London Williams]]
Rage: Hey there blondie what’s cookin!
[[Rage steps next to London and puts his arm around her. She looks in disgust and squirms but his grip is too tight]]
Johnny Clash: so you have that interviewed scheduled right?
London Williams: Wwwwwhat interview
Johnny Clash: What interview!? WHAT INTERVIEW!? Rage do you hear this? What interview she asks! Unbelievable!
Rage: You mean you didn’t schedule the interview?!
London Williams: Iii I I I don’t know what your...
Johnny Clash: It seems that they will really hire anyone these days. Are you even a journalist? I know you couldn’t get by on just your looks because... Well...
[[Johnny bends behind London and checks out her backside. He than whispers towards her]]
Johnny Clash: you are looking a little flabby lately..
Rage: You should ask bob for that cellulite cream he has next to his bed.. You know the bottle next to his tissues.. Wait I don’t think thats cellulite cream... Hmm.
Johnny Clash: So are you going to do that interview? Or are you just going to sit here and look like an idiot? Well it seems you chose the ladder. Don’t worry we will do the interview for you.
[[Johnny takes off his sunglasses and holds his hand to his mouth like a fake microphone. He pretends to flick his hair out of his face and makes a dopey look like he’s confused and bubbly]]
Johnny Clash: So this is like London Williams here like! Oh my gawd Johnny Clash! What’s it like to be so awesome!
[[Rage takes out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on while adjusting his suit]]
Rage: Well London! You know I am that damn good! I am the best and my wife is smokin hot! She is the queen and you can’t do a god damn thing about it!
Johnny Clash: But like Rage.... How are you soooo good looking! We should go out some time!
Rage: Okay Johnny this is getting kinda creepy, are you pretending to be London or are you hitting on me?
[[The crowd laughs as Johnny breaks character. London still trembles in Rage’s arm]]
Johnny Clash: Alright time to get serious. London...
[[Rage lets go of her and Johnny bends down to get in her face]]
Johnny Clash: You keep doing what you’re doing, one hell of a job champ.
[[Johnny walks away and rolls his eyes as Rage slaps her backside and follows Johnny. London runs away]]
Rage: Maybe we were too harsh on her.
Johnny Clash: London? Trust me, I’m sure she has been ridden harder than that.
Rage: Ohhhh got em!
[[Johnny and Rage walk out of camera view as the scene fades back to the announce table]]
Steven Jones: That is no way to treat a lady! I can’t believe these guys get to walk around and get away with anything they want!
Jack Serville: I love it! Did you see that! That was hilarious!
David Jones: You are as much of a knucklehead as they are Jack!
Jack Serville: A Knucklehead? You lost all speaking privileges just for saying that!
[[The lights dim and Walk Away by Five Finger Death Punch hits. The fans boo as the TWI Entrance Video hits. Gold sparks shower down from the rafters as Johnny Clash and Rage walk through them. Johnny carries his World Title belt proudly on his shoulder. They step in to the ring and take microphones. The music fades and Johnny holds a microphone. He waits for the fans to quite down and he smiles while holding the camera at his side. He motions at the fans to keep it coming and they bring the boos]]
Johnny Clash: keep em coming guys! Keep booing us! It lets me know I’m doing something right. Keep it going!
[[The fans do keep booing and Johnny nods in approval and claps for them]]
Johnny Clash: Now we aren’t out here to talk about kings or queens or talk brag about how much better we are than you... Which we are..
[[Johnny looks at Rage who nods]]
Johnny Clash: We are here because we have some issues at hand that need to be taken care of. You see theres some little nugget running around staging sex scenes as well as blabbling on about shit that no one cares about. Yes Stytch I’m talking to you!
[[The fans pop for Stytches name]]
Jack Serville: #GreenPoop is now trending on Twitter!
Johnny Clash: Listen buddy, at one point we were on the same page but I think it’s time you step aside and let the big boys play got me?
[[The fans keep booing as Johnny smiles, pissing them off more]]
Johnny Clash: This isn’t a place for little boys to come play with a sock on their face. If you want to try to be a mexican luchadore than I suggest you leave new york city and go somewhere luchadores are wanted.... Who am I kidding this filthy town is crawling with “luchadores” and other termites like Stytch.
[[The fans boo at the racial comment]]
Johnny Clash: What I’m trying to say Stytch is just go home. Take off your halloween mask and go home, there’s the exit. Leave NYCCW and do us all a favor. I’m sure all of these fans would much rather see you go home with your dignity rather than come up... Short.
[[Johnny laughs and Rage slaps his knee while laughing as well]]
Johnny Clash: I’m sorry short jokes just come to easy Stytch, kinda like you did in that sex scene.
Rage: Yeah Mary told me last night while I was f...
Johnny Clash: WOE WOE WOE!!!!!
Rage: What? I was going to say she was fluffing my pillow!
[[Johnny looks at rage with his head sideways waiting for a real answer]]
Rage: Okay I apologize, it was really his mom!
Johnny Clash: Easy easy, get off the mom jokes, because I know you just got off of Stytches!
[[Rage and Johnny laugh some more]]
David Jones: This is disgusting, I can’t believe we allow this garbage to be on television.
Jack Serville: This aint no PG crap buddy ol pal!
[[Johnny leans on the ropes and looks out to the crowd]]
Johnny Clash: I can’t give Stytch all my attention, I have a few others in this match to worry about, such as the mutant Apostle Kried.
[[The fans pop yet again for the name]]
Johnny Clash: The man who counted my pin last week when I beat Stytch 1...2...3....
Stytch, isn’t that your tag team partner? Isn’t that who it was that counted you out against me last week? Wow some partner you got there! I sure wouldn’t want a guy like that watching my back! Shame someone like that is your co-tag team champion.
[[Johnny puts the microphone down and than looks back up at the crowd]]
Johnny Clash: I thought you guys had some serious chemistry, or at least I did that time I walked in on you guys in our locker room. That was not a pretty site!
Rage: It looked like the map of hawaii all over Krieds back..
[[Johnny thinks for a minute than his eyes light up once he gets it and he laughs. The crowd slowly gets it and can’t help but laugh as well]]
Rage: Talk about crying over spilled milk.
Johnny Clash: Easy there big man, we don’t want to lost another TV deal.
Jack Serville: HA HA I love these guys!
Johnny Clash: So who’s this third guy in the match.. What’s his name again? Rye... Rye bread? Rye Lame? No.. Hmm what was it. Oh Rye Payne! That’s right. The guy who’s stupid enough to believe that guys of our caliber would actually join his team. The “Assassin” Rye Payne. Wow what an intimidating name.
Rage: don’t you see me shaking over here every time you mention it? I just hope he’s not here because I don’t want to get my ass kicked!
[[Johnny laughs at Rage’s sarcasm]]
Johnny Clash: The point of the matter is this, Stytch, Apostle, Rye.. I don’t fear either of you. A wise man once said, I don’t fear you I fear for you. That is certainly the case here in this match on Saturday Night in the Colossal cage. I have seen it all, been through it all and most importantly, won it all. This little speed bump in my long road as Champion is absolutely nothing.
[[The fans boo as Johnny and Rage meet in the center of the ring]]
Johnny Clash: Come Sunday... I will wake up with my World Title still in my possession. Once Rage here beats Chris Cable he will also be the number one contender for the Empire State Championship. Yes that means he will face and defeat Drake Hunter shortly after.
[[The fans cheer for Drake Hunter]]
Rage: That is if he walks out of the arena alive on Saturday night.
Johnny Clash: This is true. After I walk out of Caged Aggression as NYCCW Champion, Drake Hunter will go one on one with his nemesis, his rival... H4CK3R
[[The fans boo louder than they did for TWI]]
Rage: wow we need to step our game up, did you hear that? He got a louder boo than us?
Johnny Clash: What if we said that New York City was full of fat street walkers that do nothing sit on their big asses and play video games and eat fast food.
Rage: Only if you say how New Yorkers are nothing compared to Canadians! Obviously the best country in the world!
[[The fans give a louder boo this time]]
Rage: that’s more like it!
Johnny Clash: Now back to business. This Saturday night, Drake Hunter and H4CK3R will finally end it. It’s mask versus career. To be honest I haven’t made a choice in who I want to win this match. It will either be Drake Hunter leaving, which isn’t so bad.. But that means H4CK3R stays and let me tell you that guy is god damn annoying!
Rage: Tell me about it! I was on pornhub the other night watching Audrey Bitoni’s new.... “work” and that guy froze my computer! He made little rainbows shoot across the screen and I had to resort to magazines!
Johnny Clash: That’s what they call a screen...saver Rage. Get with the times old man!
[[Rage smiles and shrugs as the crowd laughs]]
Johnny Clash: If Drake Hunter wins, the mask comes off. We all finally get to see the face of the man who has tortured us for some time now. The face of a sadistic freak! The face of a crazy man! A mad man!
Rage: Did he ever knock put a women in a coma by hitting her with a chair?
Johnny Clash: hmm... No
Rage: Did he ever break a reporters face by heartlessly punching her?
Johnny Clash: hmm... No
Rage: Did he ever take out multiple guys with a sledge hammer in a single night?
Johnny Clash: uhhh... Don’t think so. But he did however interrupt a match once by scrambling letters on the big screen! I was terrified!
Rage: Sounds horrible!
[[Rage pretends to be scared and clings on to Johnny]]
Johnny Clash: It’s okay it’s okay, he can’t get us in here! However, we did compile a few different suspects that we think can possibly be hiding behind that paintball mask. Let’s take a look at number 1, shall we?
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Rage: Is that Jack Serville?
[[The crowd pans in at the announce table where David and Steve laugh. Jack looks scared and Johnny laughs]]
Johnny Clash: that guy? The dufus with the cowboy hat? I don’t think the dinosaur even knows what a computer is, yet alone how to hack one. NEXT!
[[The picture changes and the crowd laughs yet again]]
Rage: Will Turner! Say it aint so!
Johnny Clash: I don’t think big Willy has it in him either! I mean, H4CK3R has some kind of physique and athleticism to him.. Turner is just a twig that can easily be broken like a pencil.
Rage: kinda like in elementary school when you would break pencils over your head just to be cool... Yeah I can do that with Turner.
Johnny Clash I bet you can! Let’s check out our next suspect.
[[The next image comes on screen and the crowd laughs yet again]]
Rage: WOE IS THAT BRUCE WAYNE!?
Johnny Clash: Holy crap the Dark Knight is H4CK3R!
Rage: wait wait.. Where is his utility belt?
Johnny Clash: True.. It is missing. I guess Christian Bale isn’t H4CK3R... We have one more though!
[[The picture changes once more and the crowd doesn’t react and Johnny and Rage look confused]]
Johnny Clash: Well I don’t know who that guy is... I have never seen him before.
Rage: Is that one of jerrys kids?
Johnny Clash: it looks like a little turd mixed with puke! I bet he wears girl V-Necks too!
Rage: I definitely don’t think that guys H4CK3R!
[[The screen turns off and Johnny and Rage look on while leaning on the ropes. Rage has his arm around Johnny as they laugh hysterically at their work. They awkwardly notice Rage’s arm around Johnny and Johnny moves out of the way. The fans laugh]]
Johnny Clash: Maybe it could be fellow Aussie numbnuts Chris Cable, or maybe it is someone we already know or knew.
[[The fans grow silent as Johnny looks seriously at the camera]]
Johnny Clash: We all have our suspicions.. It could be Nick Malone, Van Gorgeous, Raven, Ace, James Creek or any other NYCCW legend that we haven’t seen in a while.
Rage: I think even if H4CK3R wins this match we have to find him and beat his ass just to reveal who he is. It will be bigger than Luke finding out Vader is his father! It will be bigger than Jim Carey in Fun with Dick and Jane! It will be..
Johnny Clash: Fun with Dick and Jane?
Rage: Yeah, I own it on blueray. Great movie!
Johnny Clash: You and what other person in this world actually purchased that movie?
Rage: What!? I like REAL comedies!
[[Johnny shoots Rage a glance and he shuts up]]
Johnny Clash: The fact of the matter is this. Either way we win. This place either loses Drake or loses a mask. Regardless I..
[[The lights go out in the arena and the big screen ticks and flinches. A weird noise is heard and than finally white noise fills the screen. The lights come back on]]
Rage: Maybe we should cut our salary so they can afford to fix these things.
Johnny Clash: Like I was saying... I...
[[The screen goes dark again and “Wires” by Athlete hits. The fans boo as H4CK3R’s entrance video hits with his theme song. Johnny and Rage are in the ring getting ready for a fight. The camera pans in on a masked man on the stage. The fans boo loudly as the lights remain dim and the man starts to walk. The camera pans out and the lights come on as he walks down the ramp. The fans start to laugh as it is a midget in a paintball mask in a black hoodie. The midget is holding a keyboard and he struggles to enter the ring. Clash and Rage still look ready for a fight]]
Jack Serville: HA HA Hacker shrunk!
Steven Jones: This is a disgrace!
Jack Serville: this is genius! I love it!
[[The midget stands in front of Johnny Clash and Rage and they back away slowly]]
Johnny Clash: Woe Woe, listen there buddy we aren’t looking for a fight! We were just making a little fun that is all! Please don’t hurt us!
[[Johnny slowly takes the microphone and brings it to the midgets face. The midget pushes the microphone away and starts typing on his keyboard. Typing appears on the big screen]]
“YoU Mu$t Pr3P@re t0 be H4Ck3D”
Rage: I can’t even read what that says. It looks like the texts my ex girlfriend used to send me.
Johnny Clash: How did you understand it than?
Rage: I didn’t, I just demanded pictures of her tits.
[[The fans laugh and Rage just shrugs]]
Johnny Clash: Really H4CK3R we mean no harm. We don’t want you to hack us! Please!
Rage: Yes please don’t hack us! I have been building my porn collection for 10 years now!
Johnny Clash: What is with you? Are you not getting any lately? Everything is sexual with you my god!
Rage: I think Bob has been slipping me his pills instead of my Vitamins.
[[The scene cuts to Backstage where Bob is standing by a Monitor with bottles of pills. He shakes them]]
Bob Herman: WOOOOOOO!!!
[[The scene goes back to the ring where Johnny looks intimidated by mini Hacker in the ring.]]
Johnny Clash: All I ask is please don’t hack us! We fear the Hack!
[[The mini Hacker puts his hand up for Johnny to stop talking and goes back to his keyboard]]
“ I w!ll H4CK yoU AnD yoU wIlL fe3L mY wR#th”
[[The mini hacker nods and folds his arms as Johnny and Rage look at each other]]
Johnny Clash: PLEASE DON’t HACK US!
[[Johnny drops to his knees and begs mini hacker]]
Rage: Johnny...
Johnny Clash: I’m begging you please! Spare us just this once almighty one!
Rage: Johnny!
Johnny Clash: Anything but hack us! I can’t be hacked!
Rage: JOHNNY!!
[[Johnny jumps and turns around to look at Rage. He gets to his feet and he stands next to him. They both stand there in silence]]
Johnny Clash: What is it?
Rage: How the hell can this freak Hack us if we... A) Don’t have cell phones on us b) no laptops or computers and c) WHAT THE HELL WILL THAT DO TO AFFECT US AND HOW AWESOME WE ARE?
Johnny Clash: Now that I think of it... Hacking is pretty lame...
[[They stand there and think as Mini Hacker goes to take out his keyboard again. Just than Johnny turns around and delivers a boot right to Mini Hackers mask. The midget goes down and the crowd boos.]]
David Jones: THAT WAS WRONG! THIS IS HORRIBLE GET SOMEBODY OUT HERE TO STOP THIS!
Jack Serville: H4CK3R got Hacked! HA HA!
[[Rage picks up the keyboard and starts typing dirty messages on the screen that the fans laugh at. The midget gets up and Johnny brushes off his suit]]
Johnny Clash: You don’t Intimidate me H4CK3R! You are weak! Just like Stytch, Kried and Rye! You guys are all weak! You all should bow to me! I am the king of NYCCW and whatever I say goes NOW BOW!
[[The midget doesn’t bow but stands there looking at Johnny, holding the back of his head]]
Johnny Clash: I SAID BOW!
[[The midget backs down but doesn’t bow. From the corner of the screen, Rage smacks mini Hacker over the head with the keyboard and keys fly all over. The little guy goes down and is out cold face down on the mat. The fans boo and Rage just shrugs once again]]
Johnny Clash: that’s more like it. Like I’ve said a million times, My name is Johnny Clash and I don’t fear you.. I fear for you. Hit my god damn music!
[[Walk away by Five Finger Death Punch hits and the fans boo as TWI leave ringside and walk up the ramp]]
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Jack Serville: We can only guess who that is.
David Jones: Oh Please, we have had enough of these guys, what happened to the Johnny Clash we used to have who actually cared.
Jack Serville: that was the problem! He cared but no one cared back! He is finally getting the recognition he deserves, even if it is from the Sadistic Rage!
[[The camera follows the feet backstage, which suddenly stop. The camera pans up and reveals Johnny Clash and Rage, who are stopped in front of a monitor]]
Rage: did you hear that Johnny? The “Sadistic Rage”......
Johnny Clash: Has a nice ring to it..
Rage: you would think that they would push to make t-shirts by now huh?
Johnny Clash: They will never learn.
[[Johnny and Rage keep walking down the hall when they spot London Williams]]
Rage: Hey there blondie what’s cookin!
[[Rage steps next to London and puts his arm around her. She looks in disgust and squirms but his grip is too tight]]
Johnny Clash: so you have that interviewed scheduled right?
London Williams: Wwwwwhat interview
Johnny Clash: What interview!? WHAT INTERVIEW!? Rage do you hear this? What interview she asks! Unbelievable!
Rage: You mean you didn’t schedule the interview?!
London Williams: Iii I I I don’t know what your...
Johnny Clash: It seems that they will really hire anyone these days. Are you even a journalist? I know you couldn’t get by on just your looks because... Well...
[[Johnny bends behind London and checks out her backside. He than whispers towards her]]
Johnny Clash: you are looking a little flabby lately..
Rage: You should ask bob for that cellulite cream he has next to his bed.. You know the bottle next to his tissues.. Wait I don’t think thats cellulite cream... Hmm.
Johnny Clash: So are you going to do that interview? Or are you just going to sit here and look like an idiot? Well it seems you chose the ladder. Don’t worry we will do the interview for you.
[[Johnny takes off his sunglasses and holds his hand to his mouth like a fake microphone. He pretends to flick his hair out of his face and makes a dopey look like he’s confused and bubbly]]
Johnny Clash: So this is like London Williams here like! Oh my gawd Johnny Clash! What’s it like to be so awesome!
[[Rage takes out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on while adjusting his suit]]
Rage: Well London! You know I am that damn good! I am the best and my wife is smokin hot! She is the queen and you can’t do a god damn thing about it!
Johnny Clash: But like Rage.... How are you soooo good looking! We should go out some time!
Rage: Okay Johnny this is getting kinda creepy, are you pretending to be London or are you hitting on me?
[[The crowd laughs as Johnny breaks character. London still trembles in Rage’s arm]]
Johnny Clash: Alright time to get serious. London...
[[Rage lets go of her and Johnny bends down to get in her face]]
Johnny Clash: You keep doing what you’re doing, one hell of a job champ.
[[Johnny walks away and rolls his eyes as Rage slaps her backside and follows Johnny. London runs away]]
Rage: Maybe we were too harsh on her.
Johnny Clash: London? Trust me, I’m sure she has been ridden harder than that.
Rage: Ohhhh got em!
[[Johnny and Rage walk out of camera view as the scene fades back to the announce table]]
Steven Jones: That is no way to treat a lady! I can’t believe these guys get to walk around and get away with anything they want!
Jack Serville: I love it! Did you see that! That was hilarious!
David Jones: You are as much of a knucklehead as they are Jack!
Jack Serville: A Knucklehead? You lost all speaking privileges just for saying that!
[[The lights dim and Walk Away by Five Finger Death Punch hits. The fans boo as the TWI Entrance Video hits. Gold sparks shower down from the rafters as Johnny Clash and Rage walk through them. Johnny carries his World Title belt proudly on his shoulder. They step in to the ring and take microphones. The music fades and Johnny holds a microphone. He waits for the fans to quite down and he smiles while holding the camera at his side. He motions at the fans to keep it coming and they bring the boos]]
Johnny Clash: keep em coming guys! Keep booing us! It lets me know I’m doing something right. Keep it going!
[[The fans do keep booing and Johnny nods in approval and claps for them]]
Johnny Clash: Now we aren’t out here to talk about kings or queens or talk brag about how much better we are than you... Which we are..
[[Johnny looks at Rage who nods]]
Johnny Clash: We are here because we have some issues at hand that need to be taken care of. You see theres some little nugget running around staging sex scenes as well as blabbling on about shit that no one cares about. Yes Stytch I’m talking to you!
[[The fans pop for Stytches name]]
Jack Serville: #GreenPoop is now trending on Twitter!
Johnny Clash: Listen buddy, at one point we were on the same page but I think it’s time you step aside and let the big boys play got me?
[[The fans keep booing as Johnny smiles, pissing them off more]]
Johnny Clash: This isn’t a place for little boys to come play with a sock on their face. If you want to try to be a mexican luchadore than I suggest you leave new york city and go somewhere luchadores are wanted.... Who am I kidding this filthy town is crawling with “luchadores” and other termites like Stytch.
[[The fans boo at the racial comment]]
Johnny Clash: What I’m trying to say Stytch is just go home. Take off your halloween mask and go home, there’s the exit. Leave NYCCW and do us all a favor. I’m sure all of these fans would much rather see you go home with your dignity rather than come up... Short.
[[Johnny laughs and Rage slaps his knee while laughing as well]]
Johnny Clash: I’m sorry short jokes just come to easy Stytch, kinda like you did in that sex scene.
Rage: Yeah Mary told me last night while I was f...
Johnny Clash: WOE WOE WOE!!!!!
Rage: What? I was going to say she was fluffing my pillow!
[[Johnny looks at rage with his head sideways waiting for a real answer]]
Rage: Okay I apologize, it was really his mom!
Johnny Clash: Easy easy, get off the mom jokes, because I know you just got off of Stytches!
[[Rage and Johnny laugh some more]]
David Jones: This is disgusting, I can’t believe we allow this garbage to be on television.
Jack Serville: This aint no PG crap buddy ol pal!
[[Johnny leans on the ropes and looks out to the crowd]]
Johnny Clash: I can’t give Stytch all my attention, I have a few others in this match to worry about, such as the mutant Apostle Kried.
[[The fans pop yet again for the name]]
Johnny Clash: The man who counted my pin last week when I beat Stytch 1...2...3....
Stytch, isn’t that your tag team partner? Isn’t that who it was that counted you out against me last week? Wow some partner you got there! I sure wouldn’t want a guy like that watching my back! Shame someone like that is your co-tag team champion.
[[Johnny puts the microphone down and than looks back up at the crowd]]
Johnny Clash: I thought you guys had some serious chemistry, or at least I did that time I walked in on you guys in our locker room. That was not a pretty site!
Rage: It looked like the map of hawaii all over Krieds back..
[[Johnny thinks for a minute than his eyes light up once he gets it and he laughs. The crowd slowly gets it and can’t help but laugh as well]]
Rage: Talk about crying over spilled milk.
Johnny Clash: Easy there big man, we don’t want to lost another TV deal.
Jack Serville: HA HA I love these guys!
Johnny Clash: So who’s this third guy in the match.. What’s his name again? Rye... Rye bread? Rye Lame? No.. Hmm what was it. Oh Rye Payne! That’s right. The guy who’s stupid enough to believe that guys of our caliber would actually join his team. The “Assassin” Rye Payne. Wow what an intimidating name.
Rage: don’t you see me shaking over here every time you mention it? I just hope he’s not here because I don’t want to get my ass kicked!
[[Johnny laughs at Rage’s sarcasm]]
Johnny Clash: The point of the matter is this, Stytch, Apostle, Rye.. I don’t fear either of you. A wise man once said, I don’t fear you I fear for you. That is certainly the case here in this match on Saturday Night in the Colossal cage. I have seen it all, been through it all and most importantly, won it all. This little speed bump in my long road as Champion is absolutely nothing.
[[The fans boo as Johnny and Rage meet in the center of the ring]]
Johnny Clash: Come Sunday... I will wake up with my World Title still in my possession. Once Rage here beats Chris Cable he will also be the number one contender for the Empire State Championship. Yes that means he will face and defeat Drake Hunter shortly after.
[[The fans cheer for Drake Hunter]]
Rage: That is if he walks out of the arena alive on Saturday night.
Johnny Clash: This is true. After I walk out of Caged Aggression as NYCCW Champion, Drake Hunter will go one on one with his nemesis, his rival... H4CK3R
[[The fans boo louder than they did for TWI]]
Rage: wow we need to step our game up, did you hear that? He got a louder boo than us?
Johnny Clash: What if we said that New York City was full of fat street walkers that do nothing sit on their big asses and play video games and eat fast food.
Rage: Only if you say how New Yorkers are nothing compared to Canadians! Obviously the best country in the world!
[[The fans give a louder boo this time]]
Rage: that’s more like it!
Johnny Clash: Now back to business. This Saturday night, Drake Hunter and H4CK3R will finally end it. It’s mask versus career. To be honest I haven’t made a choice in who I want to win this match. It will either be Drake Hunter leaving, which isn’t so bad.. But that means H4CK3R stays and let me tell you that guy is god damn annoying!
Rage: Tell me about it! I was on pornhub the other night watching Audrey Bitoni’s new.... “work” and that guy froze my computer! He made little rainbows shoot across the screen and I had to resort to magazines!
Johnny Clash: That’s what they call a screen...saver Rage. Get with the times old man!
[[Rage smiles and shrugs as the crowd laughs]]
Johnny Clash: If Drake Hunter wins, the mask comes off. We all finally get to see the face of the man who has tortured us for some time now. The face of a sadistic freak! The face of a crazy man! A mad man!
Rage: Did he ever knock put a women in a coma by hitting her with a chair?
Johnny Clash: hmm... No
Rage: Did he ever break a reporters face by heartlessly punching her?
Johnny Clash: hmm... No
Rage: Did he ever take out multiple guys with a sledge hammer in a single night?
Johnny Clash: uhhh... Don’t think so. But he did however interrupt a match once by scrambling letters on the big screen! I was terrified!
Rage: Sounds horrible!
[[Rage pretends to be scared and clings on to Johnny]]
Johnny Clash: It’s okay it’s okay, he can’t get us in here! However, we did compile a few different suspects that we think can possibly be hiding behind that paintball mask. Let’s take a look at number 1, shall we?
[]
Rage: Is that Jack Serville?
[[The crowd pans in at the announce table where David and Steve laugh. Jack looks scared and Johnny laughs]]
Johnny Clash: that guy? The dufus with the cowboy hat? I don’t think the dinosaur even knows what a computer is, yet alone how to hack one. NEXT!
[[The picture changes and the crowd laughs yet again]]
Rage: Will Turner! Say it aint so!
Johnny Clash: I don’t think big Willy has it in him either! I mean, H4CK3R has some kind of physique and athleticism to him.. Turner is just a twig that can easily be broken like a pencil.
Rage: kinda like in elementary school when you would break pencils over your head just to be cool... Yeah I can do that with Turner.
Johnny Clash I bet you can! Let’s check out our next suspect.
[[The next image comes on screen and the crowd laughs yet again]]
Rage: WOE IS THAT BRUCE WAYNE!?
Johnny Clash: Holy crap the Dark Knight is H4CK3R!
Rage: wait wait.. Where is his utility belt?
Johnny Clash: True.. It is missing. I guess Christian Bale isn’t H4CK3R... We have one more though!
[[The picture changes once more and the crowd doesn’t react and Johnny and Rage look confused]]
Johnny Clash: Well I don’t know who that guy is... I have never seen him before.
Rage: Is that one of jerrys kids?
Johnny Clash: it looks like a little turd mixed with puke! I bet he wears girl V-Necks too!
Rage: I definitely don’t think that guys H4CK3R!
[[The screen turns off and Johnny and Rage look on while leaning on the ropes. Rage has his arm around Johnny as they laugh hysterically at their work. They awkwardly notice Rage’s arm around Johnny and Johnny moves out of the way. The fans laugh]]
Johnny Clash: Maybe it could be fellow Aussie numbnuts Chris Cable, or maybe it is someone we already know or knew.
[[The fans grow silent as Johnny looks seriously at the camera]]
Johnny Clash: We all have our suspicions.. It could be Nick Malone, Van Gorgeous, Raven, Ace, James Creek or any other NYCCW legend that we haven’t seen in a while.
Rage: I think even if H4CK3R wins this match we have to find him and beat his ass just to reveal who he is. It will be bigger than Luke finding out Vader is his father! It will be bigger than Jim Carey in Fun with Dick and Jane! It will be..
Johnny Clash: Fun with Dick and Jane?
Rage: Yeah, I own it on blueray. Great movie!
Johnny Clash: You and what other person in this world actually purchased that movie?
Rage: What!? I like REAL comedies!
[[Johnny shoots Rage a glance and he shuts up]]
Johnny Clash: The fact of the matter is this. Either way we win. This place either loses Drake or loses a mask. Regardless I..
[[The lights go out in the arena and the big screen ticks and flinches. A weird noise is heard and than finally white noise fills the screen. The lights come back on]]
Rage: Maybe we should cut our salary so they can afford to fix these things.
Johnny Clash: Like I was saying... I...
[[The screen goes dark again and “Wires” by Athlete hits. The fans boo as H4CK3R’s entrance video hits with his theme song. Johnny and Rage are in the ring getting ready for a fight. The camera pans in on a masked man on the stage. The fans boo loudly as the lights remain dim and the man starts to walk. The camera pans out and the lights come on as he walks down the ramp. The fans start to laugh as it is a midget in a paintball mask in a black hoodie. The midget is holding a keyboard and he struggles to enter the ring. Clash and Rage still look ready for a fight]]
Jack Serville: HA HA Hacker shrunk!
Steven Jones: This is a disgrace!
Jack Serville: this is genius! I love it!
[[The midget stands in front of Johnny Clash and Rage and they back away slowly]]
Johnny Clash: Woe Woe, listen there buddy we aren’t looking for a fight! We were just making a little fun that is all! Please don’t hurt us!
[[Johnny slowly takes the microphone and brings it to the midgets face. The midget pushes the microphone away and starts typing on his keyboard. Typing appears on the big screen]]
“YoU Mu$t Pr3P@re t0 be H4Ck3D”
Rage: I can’t even read what that says. It looks like the texts my ex girlfriend used to send me.
Johnny Clash: How did you understand it than?
Rage: I didn’t, I just demanded pictures of her tits.
[[The fans laugh and Rage just shrugs]]
Johnny Clash: Really H4CK3R we mean no harm. We don’t want you to hack us! Please!
Rage: Yes please don’t hack us! I have been building my porn collection for 10 years now!
Johnny Clash: What is with you? Are you not getting any lately? Everything is sexual with you my god!
Rage: I think Bob has been slipping me his pills instead of my Vitamins.
[[The scene cuts to Backstage where Bob is standing by a Monitor with bottles of pills. He shakes them]]
Bob Herman: WOOOOOOO!!!
[[The scene goes back to the ring where Johnny looks intimidated by mini Hacker in the ring.]]
Johnny Clash: All I ask is please don’t hack us! We fear the Hack!
[[The mini Hacker puts his hand up for Johnny to stop talking and goes back to his keyboard]]
“ I w!ll H4CK yoU AnD yoU wIlL fe3L mY wR#th”
[[The mini hacker nods and folds his arms as Johnny and Rage look at each other]]
Johnny Clash: PLEASE DON’t HACK US!
[[Johnny drops to his knees and begs mini hacker]]
Rage: Johnny...
Johnny Clash: I’m begging you please! Spare us just this once almighty one!
Rage: Johnny!
Johnny Clash: Anything but hack us! I can’t be hacked!
Rage: JOHNNY!!
[[Johnny jumps and turns around to look at Rage. He gets to his feet and he stands next to him. They both stand there in silence]]
Johnny Clash: What is it?
Rage: How the hell can this freak Hack us if we... A) Don’t have cell phones on us b) no laptops or computers and c) WHAT THE HELL WILL THAT DO TO AFFECT US AND HOW AWESOME WE ARE?
Johnny Clash: Now that I think of it... Hacking is pretty lame...
[[They stand there and think as Mini Hacker goes to take out his keyboard again. Just than Johnny turns around and delivers a boot right to Mini Hackers mask. The midget goes down and the crowd boos.]]
David Jones: THAT WAS WRONG! THIS IS HORRIBLE GET SOMEBODY OUT HERE TO STOP THIS!
Jack Serville: H4CK3R got Hacked! HA HA!
[[Rage picks up the keyboard and starts typing dirty messages on the screen that the fans laugh at. The midget gets up and Johnny brushes off his suit]]
Johnny Clash: You don’t Intimidate me H4CK3R! You are weak! Just like Stytch, Kried and Rye! You guys are all weak! You all should bow to me! I am the king of NYCCW and whatever I say goes NOW BOW!
[[The midget doesn’t bow but stands there looking at Johnny, holding the back of his head]]
Johnny Clash: I SAID BOW!
[[The midget backs down but doesn’t bow. From the corner of the screen, Rage smacks mini Hacker over the head with the keyboard and keys fly all over. The little guy goes down and is out cold face down on the mat. The fans boo and Rage just shrugs once again]]
Johnny Clash: that’s more like it. Like I’ve said a million times, My name is Johnny Clash and I don’t fear you.. I fear for you. Hit my god damn music!
[[Walk away by Five Finger Death Punch hits and the fans boo as TWI leave ringside and walk up the ramp]]